哈佛大学申请Essay范文（四）
Harvard Business School Essay:What are your three most substantial accomplishments and why do you view them as such?
1.
During my third year in college, I set up the first student-run legal aid hotline in my city, offering legal assistance to female migrant workers, many of whom were plagued by domestic violence and unequal treatment in the workplace.
Shocked by their situation when doing social work, I came up with the idea of a legal aid hotline. I recruited a team of law students, led the initial fundraising of $1500, and secured time commitment from our professors for legal advice. The hotline started operation two months later.
The success of the first case was a huge encouragement. A young girl, who lost her finger in a work accident, was refused compensation by her employer, citing no formal contract. I spent months traveling across the city and going through papers to collect evidence of contractual relationship, and finally won her the deserved compensation.
I continued to lead the hotline until my graduation, when it had grown to handle more than 400 calls a year and won funding from several Foundations. Fourth year in operation, it is now part of the largest NGO network in my province. This accomplishment fulfilled my dream of helping the underprivileged.
2.
I was the only "amateur" of a seven-girl team that won the gold for women's gymnastics in the Beijing University Games.
After an injury in the team, the coach asked me to join because I was the "best amateur". But I quickly discovered the big gap with a professional. Seeing my teammates easily bend their legs over head or jump with a perfect split, I could barely keep up with their pace.
I was extremely nervous to become a drag to the team, and ruin their "golden dream". So were my teammates. I begged the coach for extra intensive training in body flexibility. Everyday I trained two hours more than the team in the midst of heavy law curriculum. I got blisters on both feet and almost injured myself from forcing too hard on a split. The rest of the team gradually changed their attitude towards me and we bonded more closely.
Four months later, I could perform as well as anyone else in the team. When we finally won first place, the team threw me in the air. Tears in my eyes, I could see big smile on everyone's face. Through relentless effort I earned respect from the team and together we achieved the best.
3.
In my second year as a consultant, I helped a multinational pharmaceutical company bring affordable medicine to more than one million people in rural China.
The project was to find new growth areas for the company. Accustomed to "the usual ways of business", the client initially only focused on large cities. However, my experience told me that "capturing rural China" would not only pose a long-term growth opportunity, but also fill a major gap of medical supply in rural areas. I convinced the client to make "rural growth" a priority.
The most challenging part was to design a cost-effective model to serve the vast and dispersed rural market. Having selected thirty representative rural areas, I led a client team across China to interview local distributors, pharmacies and hospitals. Armed with firsthand knowledge, I proposed a model using innovative tools like mobile clinics, makeshift workshops and promotion-on-the-van. We further backed up our ideas with concrete cost-benefit analysis.
The CEO was impressed by the "local ways" of selling medicine. He authorized a pilot model in five areas across China. The initial results showed good financial return, but more importantly, brought access to quality medicine for over one million rural people.
点评：
Three most substantial accomplishments(三个最重要的成就)是美国哈佛大学商学院mba申请essay最经典的题目，而且已经持续了多年。很多申请人看到这个题目都很头痛。第一，什么样的经历才能算是substantial accomplishment(重要成就)，如何选材成为一个难点;第二，文章限定是600字，那么每个小故事就只有200个字左右的空间来发挥，要求言辞简练精确而精彩。
这篇文章可以成为大多数尝试写HBS essay的申请者学习的范文。首先看作者的选材，3个小故事的选材非常全面：从内容上看，volunteer work(志愿者活动)，extracurricular work(课外活动)和professional work(专业领域)三个方面各取其一。从每个故事反映出来的作者的优秀品质上看：分别从社会责任感、坚忍不拔和创新性思维等多角度塑造出一个完整而优秀的人格形象。从三个故事的排列来看，作者把工作的例子放在最后是很用心的安排。
美国哈佛大学商学院的招生委员会每天读大量申请人的文章，关于工作的例子都大同小异，很难让他们眼前一亮。而于工作无关的事例才是真正能凸显作者的亮点，把新鲜的选材放在首位又能提起读者的兴趣。更重要的是，从整个申请材料的综合来考虑，读者可以看到作者的职业目标是要为中国的欠发达地区建立个人医疗体系，作者巧妙的用这一篇MBA申请essay的三个故事印证了自己要完成这个长远宏大的目标所需要具备的最重要的素质和品质。这样的选材和为整体申请材料服务的安排使得作者成功了一大半。作者的语言功底也不错，文字朴实简练，也是文章的一大优点。
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